Establishing Healthy Boundaries

Why Do We Need to Establish Boundaries?

Let's start off by gaining a clear understanding of the definition of a boundary. A Boundary reflects your personal desires with a definite consequence from crossing or not respecting a set boundary. For example: "If you touch me in an inappropriate manner, our relationship will end" Is a boundary. Broken down, it clearly states that you have a personal desire to not be physically not be hurt by someone you love and the consequence for crossing the boundary is I will leave you.

Boundaries are not only important for adults, but also as a parent raising children. Our children's trust is developed between the ages of 3-6 years of age. Teaching young children your boundaries will help them to grow up with a sense of knowing that "If I do this, this is what I can expect"

What boundaries do you have for yourself? Maybe, you don't have any boundaries at all or maybe, you don't enforce the consequences. This happens sometimes because as children we were taught to be "obedient" This is a problem for many women raised in dysfunctional families, as it has taught us to become "people pleasers" and can might also take us down the path towards co-dependency.

Hyposis can help us to learn to love ourselves enough to establish healthy boundaries by placing suggestions of self-love, self-worth, etc into our subconscious minds. It also, enables you to return to a younger age and inserting assertiveness towards a family member or members which, then, enables us to have the self-confidence to begin establishing safe, healthy boundaries.

Let's not confuse boundaries with walls....Walls are a defense mechanism we put into place to push people away so we don't get hurt.

With Love and Light

Tami

www.HealingsoftheHeart.com

A Day in the Life of Living with Abuse

What are the dynamics of an abusive relationship?

Research focusing on the dynamics of abusive relationships has resulted in several ways of understanding the interactions between the batterer and the victim.

The first conceptualization is that of the Cycle of Violence, 5 consisting of three stages:

1. The tension building stage (tension in the relationship gradually increases over time);
2. The acute battering stage (tension erupts, resulting in threats or use of violence and abuse);
3. The honeymoon stage (the batterer may be apologetic and remorseful and promise not to be abusive again).

The cycle continues throughout the relationship, with the honeymoon stage becoming shorter and the episodes of battering becoming more frequent or more severe. The honeymoon stage reinforces the victim's hope that the batterer will change and contributes to the victim staying in the relationship.

The concept of Traumatic Bonding 6 has also been developed to explain the dynamics of domestic violence relationships.

Essentially, strong emotional connections develop between the victim and the perpetrator during the abusive relationship. These emotional ties develop due to the imbalance of power between the batterer and the victim and because the treatment is intermittently good and bad.

In terms of the power imbalance, as the abuser gains more power, the abused individual feels worse about him- or herself, is less able to protect him- or herself, and is less competent. The abused person therefore becomes increasingly dependent on the abuser.

The second key factor in traumatic bonding is the intermittent and unpredictable abuse. While this may sound counterintuitive, the abuse is offset by an increase in positive behaviors such as attention, gifts, and promises. The abused individual also feels relief that the abuse has ended. Thus, there is intermittent reinforcement for the behavior, which is difficult to extinguish and serves instead to strengthen the bond between the abuser and the individual being abused.

Finally, abusive relationship dynamics can also be understood through the concepts of Approach and Avoidance. 7 The mix of pros (love and economic support) and cons (fear and humiliation) present in the battering relationship leads to ambivalence on the part of the victim. The victim is likely to want to approach the positives in the relationship but avoid the abuse. This struggle between wanting to keep the relationship and wanting to remain safe makes it difficult to decide whether to leave or stay in the relationship. On average, women leave and return to an abusive relationship five times before permanently leaving the relationship.

National toll-free Domestic Violence hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

Healings of the Heart offers many options to bring healing and balance back into your life. If you feel threatened in any way, know that you are NOT alone and there are options available to you.

With love and light

Tami

WWW.HEALINGSOFTHEHEART.COM

What Happens Now?

What Happens Now?

What happens when someone you love, or think you love, has just physically hurt you? Your emotions run rampant, your adrenaline is pumping, you feel confused, hurt, and angry. Thoughts begin to race within your mind. Thoughts of how did this just happen? What did I do wrong? Why didn't I see this coming? Then you begin to make excuses for them, they are overtired, overworked, stressed out, or maybe they have an addiction to alcohol or drugs and you feel you said the wrong thing at the wrong time.

These are all common feelings that we, the survivors of abuse, will ask ourselves.

Stop! Know this: It was NOT your fault!

The most important thing for you to understand is this is NOT love, this is Control! And it will continue until YOU take a stand for yourself, put your foot down and say Enough!
If you have found yourself in a volital situation, the most important thing for you to do is to flee to safety. Guaranteed, if he had done it once, he WILL do it again. It will only continue and only progress. If you feel your life has become threatened, contact 911 immediately. There are also many shelters available in all communities that will provide you a safe haven in an emergency situation.

While I do understand that emotional trauma which, comes from seeking out a safe haven, know that this is the Beginning of a new life for you. A new life without abuse. It's normal if you feel emotions such as embarrasment or humiliation, it's difficult to admit to yourselve that you have been deceived. Taking this step IS the first step to healing.

I would like to invite you to join the Sis Sacred Circle and find solace, comfort and companionship with other women who took a stand for the sake of their existence as well as the safety of their children.

Domestic Violence and Sexual abuse are rampant in our country and is an issue which, is very close to my heart. Not only have I been abused, but now I have passed these traits down to my youngest daughter who only recently fled for her own safety. When she asked me "Why do men have to hurt women?" I thought for a moment reliving my own past abusive relationships and then I realized, as painful as it might sound, "Because, WE, as women, Allow it to continue" What I mean by this is this: Each and every time we experience abuse in our relationships we accept the typical "I'm sorry, it will never happen again. I LOVE YOU!" Thus becomes the vicious cycle of abuse.

Healings of the Heart offers a unique and healing program to help promote going from a sense of "brokeness" to one of "empowerment"
With love and light
Tami

WWW.HEALINGSOFTHEHEART.COM

The Courage to Believe in Yourself

Belive in You

Why is it difficult for many of us to love ourselves? We share so openly with others, yet we find it difficult to share love with ourselves. Why is it easier to continually give of our love, our support, and encouragement to our friends, children and/or spouses, yet, when it comes to giving to ourselves, we become stingy?

We promote negative self talk conversations, we become our own worst critics. We blame ourselves when others disagree with us. We question our beliefs, we doubt our words, we say mean and hurtful things to ourselves. Sometimes we criticize ourselves with words such as as, we're stupid, we're dumb, we have no right, we're crazy to think we could do something, and the list could go on and on.. You know it, what negative self-talk do you carry on within yourself?

I can remember one time, a time of when I was at my lowest. Feelings of self-pity and even feelings of being unworthy. One day I looked in the mirror and this person looking back at me I know longer recognized. I wondered who she was? Where had I gone? This prompted my own journey to inner healing. It was the day that changed my life! Though the journey has not always been easy nor always pleasant, it has been one that had brought me to a place of inner healing, love and peace.

If you'd like to read more about my own experience or share your story with others please join the Sisters in Spirit ning. Together, we can become stronger. Together we can offer one another the Courage to Believe in Yourself once again!

With love and light

Tami

WWW.HealingsoftheHeart.com

When is Enough?

When is it Finally Enough?

How do you know it's time to walk away? That's such a hard question to answer. Even if something feels wrong and we know that our loving relationship has now turned toxic, it is still something that has grown to become comfortable. As weird as that sounds, I know! How can something that now brings more pain than pleasure feel comfortable?

As we go through life, our subconscious mind has greated a belief within itself that might say something like "You deserve this" or "You should just love him more" or "You should be a better wife/girlfriend," etc... after so long we end up believing that story and now it has become our truth. I know you are sitting there shaking your head in agreement =) It was a truth that I, too had accepted.

My marriage of 14 years, ended tragically as my husband took his own life. It took me many years of working on myself to release the guilt, blame, the old out-dated beliefs that I had created and owned. Beliefs that became implanted from childhood after surviving childhood sexaul abuse.

It is through my own healing process and my own spiritual growth that has brought the Angels into my life. Oh, the joy, the love and acceptance I have uncovered has been such an incredible journey for me. Now, it has become my passion and purpose in life to reach out to others who have reached the point of

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH

and now are seeking guidance on where to go, what to do.

Please join me in uniting as one with the Sisters in Spirit Sacred Circle

a community for women, by women. Stand and be heard!

Stand and go from "brokeness" to "wholeness"

Share your stories of survival, of healing, of empowerment, so that if there is someone who is seraching for hope should happen to find our circle, they may find that they are NOT alone!

Angel Blessings to you all!

With love and light

Tami

http://www.healingsoftheheart.com/

Violence Against Women

Important Facts You Should Know as Women

Approximately 1.3 million women and 835,000 men are physically assaulted by an intimate partner annually in the United States.

According to the U.S. Department of Justice, between 1998 and 2002:

Of the almost 3.5 million violent crimes committed against family members, 49% of these were crimes against spouses.

84% of spouse abuse victims were females, and 86% of victims of dating partner abuse at were female.

Males were 83% of spouse murderers and 75% of dating partner murderers

50% of offenders in state prison for spousal abuse had killed their victims. Wives were more likely than husbands to be killed by their spouses: wives were about half of all spouses in the population in 2002, but 81% of all persons killed by their spouse

No longer do we need to allow others to treat us in this way!

No longer do we need to live this way! Let’s practice……. I AM WOMAN!…. See, the Wo – in woman is before man…… do you know what this means? It means… Wo – man…..look out world here we come. It means gaining and understanding to the importance of "duality." It means that the Divine Feminine & the Masculine energy, come from the Divine Mother, the mother of us all…It means that we know longer will allow anyone to treat us in any way which is anything less then Empowering!

As we begin to Awaken, our bodies come alive, our Spirit begins to sign. We become genuinely happy & content. We begin to love our bodies instead of denying them. We move from such negativity about our sexuality to a place of acceptance & empowerment. We no longer allow words or identifications such as “whore”, “slut” “temptress”, “harlot” “Bitch” or “A piece of Ass”.. No More…

Become the Empowered Women

Embrace the Divine Feminie Within

With love and light

Tami

www.HealingsoftheHeart.com

Welcome to the Sisters in Spirit Sacred Circle Community

Welcome Sisters!

Here you will find the newest member of the Healings of the Heart family. My own life experiences of abuse has now become my passion and my purpose in life. Through my years of abuse, there were no 'real' people to turn to that was willing to listen. For years I struggled with thoughts that I was Not good enough or that I was Undeserving of a better way of life.

It wasn't until the past several years that I learned that healing is possible and that there are those out there who do care!

Creating the Sisters in Spirit (SIS) Sacred Circle to provide a safe, warm, loving, caring, nurturing and empowering environment now offers me the opportunity to give back. If you found this blog, you were Angelically guided and there is a place within your heart that is now ready to be healed. Please feel free to post your stories, your comments, share your own challenges & triumphs, your joys & sorrows, your victories and stories of empowerment. It is my hopes that as women who need love and support will be guided here and read of others stories and maybe realize that they are NOT alone!

The theme of this blog is to offer hope and empowerment to those who feel none exists for them. Posts to this blog will consist of various ways to bring healing and hope to those who feel there is none. If privacy is an issue for you and you do not want your name to be published, you can visit my website, send me an email and we can discuss options.

Blessings, courage, strength and committment to Self

With Love and Light

Tami

www.HealingsoftheHeart.com